When Does Grief Turn Into Complicated Grief?

Nobody wants to lose someone or something they love and treasure, whether a person, pet, or position. Any profound loss or change triggers an emotional process called grief. You may grieve due to:

• Death of a loved one
• Death of a pet
• Divorce or breakup
• Job loss
• Financial blow
• Financial insecurity
• Health problems
• A loved one’s health problems
• Moving
• Miscarriage
• Loss of a dream or hope
• Loss of a friendship
• Retirement
• Loss of independence
• Lost sense of safety

Losing something you love or rely upon makes you feel out of control and may lead you to question your very existence. If you have suicidal thoughts or urges, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline ASAP.

Although grieving is a normal way to process your loss, grief sometimes crosses over into unhealthy feelings and behaviors. Complicated grief may continue for months or years after the initial loss and negatively affect your everyday functioning. Up to 10% of adults and children experience prolonged grief or other mental health issues after a significant loss. 

At The Soho Center for Mental Health Counseling, our caring and supportive counselors offer grief therapy to help you heal and move on with your life despite your profound loss. Whether through in-person sessions or teletherapy, we help you face the pain, express your full range of emotions, and find healthy coping techniques to rebuild your life and sense of self. 

When does grief become “complicated grief”? Below is a brief explanation.

You may never “get over” your loss, but …

Once you lose a person, a relationship, or status, the rest of your life may never feel quite the same. Part of the grieving process deals with the loss of your loved one, pet, or health. Part of it deals with how your life and identity shift.

Although you may never reach a point where the loss no longer hurts, typically your pain transforms and subsides over time. During the initial, intense grieving period, you may experience a range of emotions, including:

• Anger
• Denial
• Regret
• Self-blame
• Depression

Everyone — and each culture — experiences grief and grieving differently. Although there’s no set period during which grief “should” soften or resolve, if the passing weeks, months, and years bring no relief, you may have complicated or prolonged grief.

Complicated grief affects your functioning

Your mental health provider may diagnose you with complicated grief if your grief interferes with your everyday activities and enjoyment of life. Women and men who’ve been in a state of grief for at least one year and children who’ve grieved for at least six months may have complicated grief. 

In addition to duration, you must also have experienced at least three of the following symptoms each day for the last month: 

• Feeling like part of you has died
• Failure to grasp the reality of the death or loss
• Avoiding reminders of the death or loss
• Intense anger, bitterness, or other emotions related to the loss
• Difficulty getting on with your life, scheduling meet-ups with friends, etc.
• Feeling numb
• Feeling that life is pointless
• Feeling intensely alone

You may be more prone to prolonged, complicated grief if you have other mental health struggles, such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Your counselor ensures that you receive treatment that addresses all your needs.

Are you at risk for complicated grief?

Even if you’re early in the grieving process, you may consider grief counseling, especially if you have risk factors that may trigger complicated grieving. Some risk factors include:

• A loss that’s sudden, violent, or traumatic 
• A very close relationship with the deceased
• History of mental health issues
• Caretaker of the affected partner or the deceased
• Multiple losses within a short time period
• Lack of social support
• Isolation

Untreated complicated grief, in turn, raises your risk for other mental health disorders — including anxiety, depression, and substance use disorder. If you find yourself thinking suicidal thoughts or practicing self-harm, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by texting or calling 988. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7, 365 days a year.

How to cope with complicated grief

Your counselor designs a treatment plan with your loss and your needs in mind. Treatment options may include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to reframe negative thoughts
• Grief counseling for coping strategies
• Family counseling for loss that affects the whole family
• Medications to ease anxiety, depression, or PTSD
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to help process trauma

Has your grief overtaken your life and sense of well-being? Get help with complicated grief by phoning or scheduling an online appointment with our helpful office staff at our Greenwich Village offices in New York City, New York, for in-person or HIPAA-compliant grief-counseling teletherapy sessions.